Another Self Reflection and Thought


Shit did happen

And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

Job 1:21

Recently, I’ve been facing quite a troublesome struggle in my life. As the future was building up and I was heading to my planned and desired phase of the future, it was blocked and gone. This is what I can tell about my own experience, how I cope with it and what I have learned from it

It was really great to have a planned future, a certain date planned for things. It was great to see that you have things sorted out and you could start walking easily or even run on your life track. It felt like a fresh spring breeze of air running through your hair.

Another good thing was that knowing that the breeze wont last forever. I was not a pessimistic person. I kept myself being an optimist and keep planning the good things in my life. Small plans and big plans, all was set and measured.

Knowing that the life will not always as easy as it may be, I think that was called risk management. When I planned the whole thing, I was planning for the good things. “Thinking of happy thoughts” was always be my motto. Turn out, even in the best scenario, and even in the risk mitigated environment, something can go wrong.

People said that shit happens, well, the phrase did not mention how big the shit is. I lost things and hope that time. I felt down when my whole plan and target needed to be revised. It was a devastating moment and I felt that I don’t want to sleep.

Coping with Stress

Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10

Well, it was so stressful that day. I knew the story from someone I trust. She called me and she told me the whole thing. She tried to console me and I tried to show nice and happy voice as we were talking via phone. I hid my disappointment, my anger, and my sudden raise in stress level. I was like a compressed steel painted with a smile

Turns out, that was a bad thing to do! When you are stressed, never ever just keep it to yourself. The reason for it is simple. Imagine your brain is already full of things that you have to do today. Then you add a bad thought of stress on top of it. As human, our brain power is limited! Even computer storage is limited.

Admit that you are stressed. Admit that you have something wrong inside you. Admit that some part of your life is wrong. Admit that you are angry. Admit that you need to be relaxed and you need to rethink of a plan. By admitting, you will know your base and center of gravity. Knowing this could save life and the happy thoughts.

Let your stress out! I do not say that you need to be angry and destroy everything around you. You can write it down like I do now. You can talk about it to anyone you trust. You can even talk to the free nature. Let your stress go. Unless you are a pressured carbon on the way to becoming a diamond, then let the pressure go.

When you had known your own new base, your own new anchor, and you let go of your pressure, know that there is hope! For those of you who are Christian, read Psalm 91. Well, you knew what happened to David and how he rely so much to God for his safety. The verse really taught us that, what was there to be worried? Bad things may happen, but we will see it pass through with our own eyes as we survive it.

For those of you who prefer scientific approach, remember that in the theory of probability, everything could happen! You now know what caused the failure. You now know what could be done to fix it and make yourself better. IF that was not giving you enough hope, then review yourself back again. Because the only reason we fail in something, was that it caused by our previous actions.

Starting to Feel Good

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Bene Gesserit, Dune – Frank Herbert

When you’ve refreshed, start small. Start by putting a small milestone in a day. Like tomorrow, you need to have a good breakfast while watching Tom hitting Jerry’s head. Make yourself in a good mood and award yourself with hormones that released by your body. Trick your own body mechanism with those hormones.

Never start big. When you start big again, you will get even depressed as the bigger it is, the slower to get the result. What will happen is that you will fall into deeper depression for you keep failing in your life. Start small, because subtle things and details make a big difference.

You don’t have to change your own habit to get good. You know what to do. You might love to play games, then play games, start low, rehearse your own strategy and meta, take notes of your own mistakes. After that, you go to your usual Legendary difficulty. Realize how your gameplay improved and you are now a better player. Isn’t it satisfactory?

If you love to drink, start to taste a different drinks. Ask your bartender for new recipes, talk with them and be more social in the bar. You will know that you missed a lot of parts now. Rather than just stay drunk and let the alcohol take control, challenge yourself and make you dominate your own records. Isn’t that satisfactory?

Things can be done differently for each person. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! You’ve taken wrong step and you know what to be done. When your mind are clearer, set your bigger goals again. You’ve learned your lesson and you now can start to crawl back to your own track.

Why is that keeping the happy thoughts is important? You need to know that even when you’re rock bottom, nowhere else to go but up. You need to know that however hard it is, you can survive. You need to keep the depression and suicidal thoughts away. We human are not sure yet whether being dead is the true end. Let us say that dead is an end, wont it be better if you make it epic? Then why the suicidal thought?

I once felt so low in learning the violin. I really did feel depressed and stop playing for two months. What I got is that my violin get dust and I need to change some parts. More money to spend. So the next time I felt that I am not growing in my violin play, I review what had I done wrong. So far, it works. That is why I told you guys to keep the happy thoughts.

Release the Kraken

You’ve been down, you’ve been in a high stress, you’ve been pressurized, and you’ve learn to live with it and let the pressure through. You start to sounds like a deep sea creature. Don’t be just a dust laying on the deep sea floor. BE THE BEAST! Learn your lesson, mark your target, make them know that you are bigger than your problem. Let them know that you can rise up even higher.

I’ve mentioned earlier, that you are not carbon that was pressurized to become a diamond. You’re a human, who when being pressured, you use that pressure to make yourself grow. Sometimes you failed and the pressure crush some part of you. Take a look on those weird flexes, those battle scar, you are a though human, being benefited by the pressure and grow as you dominate the pressure.

Author: Aditya Yedija Situmeang

Developer, Lover, Christian, Omnomnomnivore, Gamer.

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